I'm Back …

A few people of late have been asking where I’ve been. The answer is  I’ve been busy, quite busy finishing my … (wait for it) manuscript for the book that I will be publishing hopefully next spring!
I have learned such a great deal in a relatively short time about publishing a book.  And I just have to tell you that after dreaming about being a published author for more years than I can remember, the idea that I am actually going to do just that kind of blows my mind to tell you the truth.
I recently visited Barnes and Noble shopping for the holidays, and as I walked out, the idea struck me like a lightning bolt, that maybe next year at this time my book would be selling (dare I say) on one of their shelves?  Dream big or go home, right?  The idea caught me off guard though, and nearly bowled me over.  I left the store with probably a very strange look on my face which quickly faded replaced with a very wide smile.  I always say the journey is as much fun as the destination.  For now, I can dream big and see my book on the bestseller table as opposed to the marked down closing out section, and whether or not it ever even makes it into a Barnes and Noble store, for this moment in my mind’s eye, my book is sitting on the bestseller rack and it looks simply marvelous there.  And my thinking is this, happy is happy, whether it’s a dream or a reality.  Time spent happy is good for your soul, not to mention the actual heart muscle.
What I wanted to address in this post, is really not about publishing the book, I just had to tell you about it.  I’m sure I will have much more to say about that in coming posts.
No, this post is about blogging, and how much I’ve missed it.  This post is dedicated to my fellow writers/bloggers.
The other night I realized that I would finally have some time to post and I felt so doggone happy about it.  I felt like I was going to be visiting a dear old friend, and I couldn’t wait.  I actually stayed awake for hours that night thinking about what I wanted to say.  I couldn’t wait to share my realizations in the hopes that some of them might help my fellow bloggers.
When I first started blogging and someone would like something I wrote, I would do as the site encourages, go “see what they are doing.”  I started following one after another for about a week or two, but I realized quickly that if I followed everyone that liked my post, I’d soon have no time left for writing.   I stopped “seeing what they were up to,” and began to write in earnest.  I am so happy though that I did begin to follow a handful of bloggers as I’ve learned so much from them.  They’ve come to feel like co-harts and I can see the ebb and flow that we each go through, the difficulty coming up with new material to write about.
Spending time working on the book has made me realize what an amazing and truly rewarding experience blogging is.  Writing a chapter to a book can be a lonely experience, as there’s no immediate audience.  You can write for days and days or months and months and not one person will respond, nor will your chapter travel to different countries.  The connection with your readers, if it comes, will most likely be years down the road.  And I’m sure that’s wonderful in its own right, but I’ve come to understand that blogging is something pretty unique and wonderful.
The gifts that have been bestowed on me as a modern day writer are beyond what I ever could have imagined.  I can sit at my computer with the world’s music at my fingertips, my earphones sounding me as if I’m in a symphonic music hall, the internet a click away if I have a question or want to find the right word, or more importantly spell the word right.  I’m dating myself, but when I first started working, I typed on an IBM Selectric (those must be in some computer museum these days.)  It was something pretty amazing with the little ball that twirled around letting you type faster than ever before, and it even had a backup feature that let you correct your typos.  Whooaaaa!
As a blogger, when I have expressed my thoughts on the page to my satisfaction, I have the ability to send them out into the world … I have to repeat that … I can send my thoughts into the world never leaving my desk chair.  We take so much for granted these days.  But I just want to do my part to remind all of you bloggers about what an amazing gift we’ve been given.
And whether we post every day or every week or once a month or less, it truly isn’t a race, and there are no rules.  We are writers.  We thrive when we can express ourselves on the page.  We won’t always have something to say.  But when we do, we have a forum to deliver our thoughts, our prayers, our dreams and our stories.  I have learned following the few blogs that I do, that I don’t really care if someone lays low for a while.  I’m just happy when I see that there is a new post.  I love following Stuart M. Perkins’ Storyshucker.   I haven’t seen many posts as of late, but I can tell you this, when he does, I’ll be reading it because his posts always make me feel good.  And I will always smile when I see Paul S’s Pfeiffer Pfilms and Meg Movies posting yet another interesting take on Michelle and Meg.
This break I’ve taken has been eye opening for me in many ways.
My husband has been telling me for years, “honey, you are a writer.”  And I’d respond trying to convince myself that he was right, “yeah, I know.”  And then the little voice in my head followed, “well, not really.”  In my mind, unless I had a published book, I didn’t really deserve the title.
I’ve come to embrace and claim the right to call myself a writer these past few months, and I thought at first blush it was because I was working to publish my book.  But the other night while I tossed and turned drafting this post in my mind in the wee hours of the morning when I should have been sleeping, I came to understand that I will never again hesitate to think of myself as a writer.  And that is, in large part, because of this experience of blogging.
I hope to blog for years to come, regardless of how many books I may write.  Because blogging is nothing short of magical.  And I think often of something that my writing coach taught me a few years back … there will always be people out there waiting to hear from me, my voice … and from you, your voice.
Back soon with news of my book, and whatever else creeps into my dreams.
Namaste
 

Making Fire

The rabbit hole was deeper than I thought.  Turns out not only was I suffering from a virus, but also writer’s block.  Maybe not for the typical reasons … it wasn’t because I didn’t have anything to say (fat chance of that).
No, I had lots going on in my brain, but just didn’t know if I should be writing about it.  I wasn’t feeling inspirational, anything but.  A big part of it did have to do with being sick for three plus weeks, finding myself abruptly removed from my wonderful yoga experience, and I might have been okay with only that.
But to add, a dear friend shared her troubles with me, which left me feeling oh so sad.  AND I began to stress about my job, or more accurate, the upcoming lack of my job.  AND even though I’m excited to move on, I’m starting to feel emotional about the end of my time at Virgin America.  AND I found myself needing to start planning my upcoming Karma class, and not being able to formulate even ONE SINGLE IDEA ABOUT IT.  Can you say BLOCKED, Mister Rogers?  (Youngsters, look him up if you don’t’ understand my jest.)  AND another friend is having a very serious surgery.  Perhaps with my normal energy, I might have done a better job fending off feeling so down.  But feeling physically below par, these emotional issues have gotten the better of me.
My son called yesterday (have I told you how much I love my kids?)  He wanted to tell me how much he liked my post about Ron.  My son was far too young to ever remember Ron, but from my stories, he holds him close at heart.
It’s ever so cool when your son calls to tell you how much he liked your latest post,  or when your daughter wants to throw you a party to celebrate your blog and the end of the class, there really are no words, only tears of love.
We began to chat about his current stress.  I might have mentioned, or maybe not, he’s the director of the Element YMCA Skate Camp at Sequoia Lake in California.  (If you have a child who likes to skate board or know anyone who does, check it out… an amazing summer camp with the world’s best director, Jordan Wilk.)
A few of his counselors had just let him know they would not be able to commit to this summer, so he was bummed out.  Not only because it makes it harder for him as the director, but because his buds would not be part of this summer’s experience.  We chatted for a while about the situation, but while we both could commiserate about his frustration, in the end we had to agree that a summer commitment has to take a back seat when a substantial employment opportunity comes along.
As we came to the end of discussing his issues, I shared that I too was feeling down.  I told him that while I loved that he enjoyed one of my last posts, I was feeling so blocked, and that I hadn’t been able to write in a week.  That the only thoughts coming into my mind were things I didn’t’ want to write about, and that I was feeling sad.
One of my favorite sayings is “out of the mouths of babes “…  my son said, “well, mom, you just need to do it, write.”
I heard his words almost in slow motion.  He was right.  It was time to face what was stirring in my heart.  I didn’t come this far to drop out.
We continued our conversation.  This last week, he had been so excited, traveling to camp to do prep work for the upcoming summer.  He traveled down the state on a true high, meeting with camp personnel, and ending on such a negative note.  He said to me, “mom, I was so excited driving down.  I thought to myself as I was feeling so good, oh no, you are too excited, something bad will happen.”
Not sure if I solely passed this on to my son …or if you readers can relate.  When I find myself soaring on an incredible high, sometimes the next thought will be something that puts an arrow right through the balloon.  I have felt this so many times in my life I couldn’t even count truly.  I KNOCK WOOD at every turn.  I never tempt the Gods (not that I really believe that, but I will still knock wood just in case.)
As my son related this story to me, it made me both cringe and smile. He had learned well from his mother, even if I never intended that lesson.  It made me a little sad that he considered surrendering his happiness in the moment fearing that it would end soon.
In the seconds that our conversation took place, I listened and put his words to a picture, and found a new horizon that I might direct him to, along with myself.
“Jordan, you know, something I’ve learned in my life, is that nothing is constant.  Everything will change.  What you think you can count on …. WILL CHANGE.  That is what is real.  So when you feel such a high for whatever reason … ENJOY THAT, MY BOY, enjoy it and shout it from the rooftops for as long as it lasts.    Because what you can count on, is that it will change.  Change is inevitable.”
As I said the words, they rung true to me.  Life returns to center when I can wash away the illusions for myself, and if I can pass along the lesson so that maybe my kids will grasp it a little sooner or easier than I did, that is all I can wish for.
Shouldn’t we embrace our joys when they present themselves?  They will be gone soon, and more will follow for sure in time, but why would we waste any blessing thinking about the future?
Our highs present themselves as a passing sunset. As I said to Jordan, don’t look for the sunset to fade, know it will, which is all the more reason to enjoy when the sun shines so brightly for every single moment that it does shine.
I think that perhaps one of our lessons in life is to develop faith in the knowledge that when we relinquish one blessing, there will be a million more to follow.
This is one post of probably two or three … dam has broken, lots to say.
 
Namaste
Cover picture is of my son making fire, from an article called “Make Fire,” in the magazine Stay Wild.  I think the picture is apropos as he helped create a fire beneath me to get on with my writing, even if  I wasn’t finding it easy.  I never tire of watching him make fire.  Have seen it for many summers now, and every time I see it anew, it still holds such a fascination for me.  Basic elements … when we break life down, the most important things are just that, basic.  Family, health, fire, warmth, food (and yes, Clay) God.