A needed break

Nothing like dropping out of site in the middle of a story, or in this case, the end of a story (it’s my version of a cliff-hanger).  I have to applaud the human body, it has a mind of its own, and will be patient with us for a long period, but then if we aren’t listening, it’s like, okay, curtain’s going down.  (You know those scenes where the actor gets pulled off the stage by a hook?)

I believe my body was being extremely patient and supportive for six long weeks, being there in every way I needed, pushing far beyond what either of us (my body or I) felt I was capable of , just waiting for that final day when She would enjoy her just desserts, a nice long rest from all this hard work.

“Oh, maybe she’ll take me to a nice spa. We’ll get a massage, love it! Or we’ll spend hours in the garden, napping in the late afternoon.  Snuggling by the fire and reading a good book? What will she bestow on me for all my hard work?  I’m sure it will be great.”

“Wait, what?  She wants to go to the bay area for four days, and how many different plans does she have in four days????  I think I heard her say she has plans every day and night until Sunday when we go back home?  And then the same for the next week?  Is she friggin’ crazy?”

“All right, silly girl, this is where I take over.  Not happening.

By Tuesday, my body had taken matters into her own hands.  I fought back until Thursday night when I knew I was outnumbered.  I always used to love the old westerns, in this case I was crouched behind some large rocks, a pistol in each hand, but I wasn’t going to win this battle.  The flu had arrived, and it was, plain and simple, time to rest.

I’m not well yet, but I’m just sweet talkin’ Her into letting me get at least one post out.  She’s told me in no uncertain terms that it better be short.

The good news, joking aside, is that our bodies always know better than us.  And in the end, they are a bit like mother nature, no arguing, done deal.

My capable and wise body continues to take good care of me, even when I don’t like the way she does it.  But in the end, I have to think it’s me who wasn’t taking good care of her.

Life is so interesting.   Our view is quite limited.  There’s much to explore.

Be back soon.




Ten thousand steps

Day two of our final weekend, we began with our circle, which always consists of shares, business, scheduling, ideas, tears, fears, celebrations … kind of like the breakfast table in many homes.  With initial business over, we began our final 90-minute practice together.

We placed our mats in a circle facing each other, and took turns leading 5-10 minutes each of the lesson off the cuff.  As we settled into savasana, which for those of you who have never been to a yoga class, it’s the final 5-10 minutes where you surrender your practice, soaking in the rewards of what you’ve just offered up to your body.  It usually feels like heaven, muscles finally at rest after such a hard work out.  I truly love savasana.

The music playing was a song I’ve never heard before, 10,000 miles by Sleeping at Last.  I could hear some of the words, not all, but I caught a line here and there, fare you well, I’m going away but I’ll be back … if I go ten thousand miles …. You have been a friend to me.  The tears streamed down my face for the entire song.  Interesting how the universe offers up always something right on point, even if it’s just a song.  I looked the song up later, so beautiful.  Speaks, if I understand it, to a romantic love, but in the end, all love is universal.

We spent the following four hours practicing and drilling ourselves on instruction, until it was time for our final hike.  It was billed as a “team-building exercise.”  It certainly was all that, and so much more.  We began our hike at the confluence down at the base of the American River, hiked for probably two minutes on straight ground, and then headed up, straight up the mountain to the bridge above.  I, still, brought up the rear, but that was okay.  I wasn’t crying, just out of breath.

My same team of sweethearts accompanied me, Kyleigh, Molly and Julie.  I have such a soft spot in my heart for caretakers … angels on earth to be certain.  We brought up the rear and as we reached the top, it was simply beautiful.  What I probably love the most, is that I see this trail every day I drive over the bridge, and after Saturday, I can now say to myself, hey, I hiked that steep hill.  Nice accomplishment, and I know it will forever now be a precious memory.

But the day was far from over.  As a matter of fact, we had just begun.

My stomach turned a bit as I waited to hear what our next obstacle would be.  As we got a ways down the hill, Scott showed us what our challenge was… a steep hill that we would climb down together, as a team, person by person climbing down holding on to the next making a human chain.  For once, I wasn’t the most apprehensive person.  I actually thought it was kind of fun.  We made our way down, one person at a time, taking probably thirty minutes.  And while it was a bit scary, I think for the most part it was exhilarating, and such good fun.

When we finished the hill, he gave us the option to do one more hill, even longer and steeper, and we unanimously decided to go for it.  I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time.  I hung on to people for dear life, I stopped others from sliding past, I slid down on the back of another like we were on a sled in the snow … all and all, it was just so doggone much fun.  What a wonderful way to celebrate the close of our journey.  We returned to our cars each of us covered in dirt and the beauty of the human spirit.  We humans are just so damn good for each other when we share the best of ourselves.

One last day to spend together in this group, Sunday was approaching at Godspeed.

Words to 10,000 Miles by Sleeping at Last

Fare you well, my own true love
Farewell for a while
I am going away but I’ll be back
If I go ten thousand miles

Ten thousand miles, my own true love
Ten thousand miles or more
And the rocks may melt and the seas may burn
If I no more return

Oh don’t you see yon lonesome dove
Sitting on yon ivy tree
She is weeping for her own true love
As I shall weep for mine

Oh come back, my own true love
And stay a while with me
If I had a friend all on this earth
You have been a friend to me






Lighting the world, one candle at a time

Good morning.  Another week, but a special week indeed, as I have completed my training … oh my, I think I’ll be posting about this for quite some time, just so much to share.  The weekend came and went in a heartbeat.  Each drive in, Friday, Saturday and Sunday I spent reflecting, remembering all the pieces of this journey that went together to bring me to the ending of our class.  Like a projection on a screen, my mind replayed image after image of the moments that made up this journey, the faces and hearts of those I shared this experience with, the personal triumphs I enjoyed myself, and the triumphs I watched others experience.  Like any good movie, our story did not come without the instances that surely felt like failure, but in the end there is no such thing as failure.  There is only growth, a need to keep trying, and keep trying and never give up trying until you have reached your goal.

I can’t really even put into words what a unique experience this has been, getting to know these wondrous spirits, their stories, (who doesn’t have a story?) their sorrows and their joys.  Fifteen special souls came together and created a divinely positive force, lifting each other, but if I know anything about it, helping lift more than just ourselves.  We did our tiny tiny part toward raising the universe’s vibration, because we each will take that love and positivity and share it with those we encounter going forward, our loved ones and friends, but also strangers.

I keep thinking about the 70-year old gentleman I told you about in an earlier post, the fellow who does work at our house once a year, this being our third year, who told me in our phone call how happy I sounded.  When he came out a few days later, he seemed so genuinely happy to see me.  I have to wonder … was this because I shared my happy heart with him in our phone call?  Maybe.

All I know is that this stranger, for all intents and purposes, offered me a hug after he finished his work with us.  I gladly accepted even though he was covered in dirt and I was dressed to go out.  I was not going to pass up that gift.  How many workers that come to your home want a hug when they leave?  I’ve had a ton of people work on my houses over the years.  They’ve never been in the habit of hugging me when they left.  I have to think this nice man felt what’s filling me these days, and took a chance at asking me to share a bit of that with him.  I was more than happy to oblige.

I’ve always loved math, and I find myself contemplating the possibilities … all the billions and trillions of individual spirits, if united with other kindred spirits toward a common positive goal, taking the risk of being vulnerable, sharing their tender hearts, working together helping each other to heal and create and inspire and conquer, and then taking that back out into the world, compounding exponentially, what could we accomplish?  I’m a dreamer, I know, but I do believe there is nothing we humans united could not accomplish, no hurt in the world we could not heal.  Our united hearts could light the world.

Just the beginning of the end … will be back soon.  I have so many thoughts swirling around inside the waves of my mind.  It’s high tide and there is much activity.  I have nothing but gratitude for this time in my life.



Photo:  Candle made by my classmate, Kim, Tipsysisterscandles@tipsysisterscandles.com

Endings and Beginnings

Good morning, and happy Friday! It’s hard to believe today will begin our last weekend in the training.  Like I said a few posts back, I have such conflicting feelings.  I really am looking forward to having my routine back, but I will certainly miss the group.  Rick and I had our Thursday night dinner date last night (that has become our date night throughout this class) and we spent much of it scheming and planning what comes next.  It is so nice to have the support of loved ones when making changes that require some faith on my part.

Our last weekend will consist of more yoga, of course, and a team event tomorrow.  I don’t think I’ll be crying this time at the event, but I’m sure I will be making up for it on Sunday when we say our goodbyes.  Sunday we will be doing more yoga, wrapping up, and at some point we’ve been promised some amazing pizza.

I will be looking forward to sharing the conclusion of my yoga training class with you all.  This week was a powerful week for me in many ways, and your feedback meant a great deal to me.  Thanks, as always, for tunin’ in and lending your spirits to my adventure.  Sunday as the sun sets we will be getting off at a new station.  It will be interesting to see where the train goes from there, but for a while, it will be nice to rest and catch up with my loved ones.

Have a wonderful weekend.





Yesterday I got a call from a sweet man who does some work at our place every year.  He’s about 70, nice guy.  The first thing he said to me is “boy, you sure do sound good.”  I’ve only met this man about three times in three years.  His response surprised me.  I answered him honestly, saying, that yes, I was feeling good.  It made me step back and become the observer, of me, and he was right, I sound different.  And it’s not that I wasn’t happy one year ago or two, I was.  But there is another aspect of me that has pulled into my parking space and she is having quite a time of it, in a good way.

So that comment tied into something I read this morning after my meditation, in one of our books, The Yamas & Niyamas, by Deborah Adele.  In her chapter Reviewing the Niyamas, she writes something that resonated with me. I will quote, “Several years ago I made a major change in my life.  Events came together in such a way that I asked myself the question, ‘Just how good can I feel?’  I began to wonder if every year I could feel better and have more vitality and clarity.  At the time, this question felt radical to me as I looked around at the American expectations of aging.  But I decided it was worth the experiment and that I would make choices in diet, activity, and thinking that would support this exploration.”

I think this is, as my British peeps would say, brilliant.  Challenging yourself to see just how happy you can be?  When do we hear that?  We hear people talking about being as successful and rich as they can be, but how many times do we hear them talk about working to become as happy as they can be?  I don’t know about you, but I really love that concept.

And then a page later in her chapter Moving On, she makes an analogy about what I would define as manifesting, making a choice to be different, to go where you might be a little uncomfortable to go, in the pursuit of what will truly fulfill you.  Again, I will quote, her words are so perfect.

“As a child, I loved pretending I was a horse.  Not just any horse, but a beautiful, black, fast horse, freely galloping over open countryside and taking giant leaps over anything in my way.

“Although my relationship with horses has remained in my imagination, I still love them.  They are beautiful animals and I brim with the thrill of watching them race with strength and grace on an open field or take those beautiful leaps in equestrian competition.  The theologian Peter Marty, in speaking about equestrian competition, had some interesting observations.  He stated, ‘Those of us whose only contact with the world of equestrian competition is via the television set find the elegance and ease of those leaping beasts to be almost surreal.  We marvel at the calmness of the riders.  We admire the cool focus as they vault their way over the hurdles (and wonder if those riders have) some extra instinct that the rest of us lack.’

“Marty further went on to talk about equestrian training.  He noted that one of the most common obstacles all riders face is their own perception.  Much time in training is devoted to the skill of the rider’s own perception.  It is known in the equestrian world, that unless a rider can approach these upcoming barriers with a kind of ‘anticipatory confidence,’ they will never be able to make these great leaps with their horses.  Peter noted that one trainer put it this way:  You have to ‘take your heart and throw it over the fence.  Then jump after it.’”

I absolutely love this, and isn’t this what we all should be doing every day?  Throw our hearts over the fence, just a different way to say follow your heart, but these words give me such a visual for the act.

My dear friends at work and I have been sharing with each other the stress of our upcoming changes, one in particular that is fearful of what lies ahead, and knows where she wants to be, but also not at a place where she can quite yet make that happen.  Another friend who knows exactly where his heart would take him if he threw it over the fence, but the risk feels enormous.  We are lucky, we have become like family, so we share our fears and sorrows with each other.

For my coworker who needs to wait a few years, she just needs to keep her eye on her dream, know that it’s waiting for her. Know that keeping that dream alive is an important step toward making it happen.  When we went sailing a few weeks back, Scott, our skipper, gave us important safety instructions as we were leaving dock.  He told us, among other things, that if anyone went overboard, that it was each and every person’s job to keep our eye on the person in the water.  His words exactly were, “DO NOT, under any circumstances, take your eyes off the person in the water.”  At one point during the day, someone’s hat flew off, and we used it as a drill, so to speak.  Scott tried to maneuver the boat all the while shouting, “Keep your eye on the hat.  Under no circumstances lose sight of that hat.” It was done in fun, but it was a sobering and educational exercise, because in the currents and movement of the boat, it is so easy to lose sight.  I think only one person was able to keep the hat in view.

This morning as I’m writing this, I keep thinking of that hat bobbing in the water and what a great analogy it is with respect to keeping your dreams in sight.  Life is like that boat with the currents and wind and sails and waves, and it’s no wonder we can lose sight of our dreams.  It takes a vigilant effort.  Keeping sight of a person in the water can save their life.  The same might be said of keeping your dreams in sight.

Stay vigilant.  Make happiness your priority.  Take a deep yogi breath, and throw your heart over the fence.  Life is short.  Make it count.

Back one more time tomorrow.  So much to share this week.



The River

The weekend was definitely a little stressful with our finals.  I always feel happy for the drive in, and enjoy the time to gather myself before heading into the storm, so to speak.  My emotions ramp up somewhere between my driveway and the highway.  I’ve learned to expect that now on Friday nights and just let it be.

Friday night was spent practicing in our groups for our final which was scheduled for Sunday afternoon.  Nerves were running rampant.  By the end of Friday night, the teachers proclaimed that none of us were ready for the final.  (Yikes.  No, wait, blimey!)  We decided the decision could be made Saturday morning after another practice, and if we needed to move it to the final weekend, we could.

Saturday morning I drove slowly, not in any hurry to arrive at the Perfect Storm (another of my favorite movies.)  I missed my mom.  And I felt grateful for that sorrow.  There was a time I would not have believed I could feel this.  Through our later years together, the movie I felt more of a connection with was “Throw Mama from the Train.”  I used to joke about that all the time, and I have to say, my mom really did remind me at times of Anne Ramsey.  She once gave me a portrait of herself she had taken at Sears, she was probably around 70 at the time, and I’m not sure what prompted this gift (maybe she was upset with me that I didn’t have enough pictures of her in my home) but when I opened the box, it was scary.  It was a close-up head shot of my mom with a completely serious look on her face.  No smile, just completely serious.  I was a little speechless, but thanked her and put the picture away, far far away for safe keeping.  If you don’t know who Anne Ramsey is, google her.  I’m looking at her now, and by God, they could have been sisters.

My friend, Peter (at that time we were just getting to know each other) came to my mom’s place to notarize some papers for us.  My mom was pretty hard of hearing, and actually wasn’t really listening to others too much anyway (a lot going out, not much going in) and she was in a mood.  About half way through as she was bad-mouthing me to whoever in the room wanted to hear it, I leaned over to Peter and quietly asked him if he’d ever seen the movie Throw Mama from the Train?  His eyes grew wide in disbelief, and I think probably that moment was when our friendship was cemented.  A sense of humor is your best friend sometimes.

These days I reminisce about our antics, and because we did have it so rough for so many years, I feel such gratitude for the simple blessing of missing her company.  Like I quoted a few posts back “Unthinkably good things can happen even late in the game.  It’s such a surprise.”

Appreciating my feelings, I drove slowly sorting through my emotions, enjoying the beautiful moon greeting me, shining ever so brightly to light my way. The day would be eventful.  We collectively decided before lunch that our group was ready, and would lead the way.  We would perform our final Saturday afternoon and Group 2 would follow up on Sunday.

As I think I already mentioned, we each had sections to lead, a total of a 90-min class, so eight people in the group, we each were responsible for about eleven minutes.  I was the greeter, opening the practice and guiding everyone through a meditation, breathing, chanting, and relaxing.  If you had told me 40 years ago that I would one day be sitting in front of a group singing a chant, I would have told you, no way.

When I was in about tenth grade, I was in a drama class.  Much like this class, we were divided into groups and had to prepare a skit that we would perform for our final, on stage.  I had one of the opening lines, and also the closing line.  I was so nervous that I entered the stage, said my first line, followed by the last line, and the curtain went down without any of my classmates being able to say a word.  Hilarious in hindsight.  We got a courtesy D from the teacher and my classmates were, to say the least, not too happy with me.

Well, good news, I didn’t let my yoga mates down on Saturday.  I definitely was nervous, but I managed to for the most part, park that anxiety and get through my eleven minutes.  I joked, and taught, and sang and read something I wrote to the group.  I fought back tears while I read it, and let that be okay, because that is me.  I received nice feedback afterwards, as did the rest of our group.

The knowledge I came away with this weekend, and have continued to contemplate yesterday and today, is how important it is in life that we bring our authenticity, even when we might think we are showing our weakness.   It’s also what I have been learning throughout this blog.  When I am vulnerable and blog about something personal, that’s when I feel the warmth of others come flooding back.  I have learned this lesson before in life, but I think more from the perspective of loving others who showed me their underbelly.  If someone cries with me, they become a friend for life.

This time around I’m learning the lesson from the reverse side, me opening up and being completely blown away by how great it feels and how truly accepting and welcoming others are.   Our journey is much like going to school.  You have certain courses, maybe a foreign language for example, and you learn a word and move on to more words, but at some point you circle back and truly begin to learn the proper enunciation of that word and the exact way to roll your tongue through the new and uncomfortable sounds, and at some point, the lesson is over and will not appear again in your curriculum.

I am witnessing first-hand that it’s our weaknesses that collect us and draw us closer, as we can see ourselves in others if they are willing to show us that they are fallible.  If someone does not show me any vulnerability, I can’t see them, and when I can’t see them, I find it hard to trust them.  Much like if I were walking through a forest at night, if I can’t see my way, I am going to feel frightened and guarded.

Something I probably enjoy the most about blogging is when someone says, “hey, you made me think and I’m going to give that a try.”  If you decide to try this vulnerability idea out, I would say this, remember that what you are giving is a gift.  You are sharing a part of yourself, and you are a GIFT.  If someone doesn’t seem to care for it, then oh well, bye Felicia.  Just means maybe they are not open to feeling at that moment, and that’s okay.  They may have a mountain of their own to move, and your openness scares them for fear they might have to look at themselves.  Their reactions will always be more about themselves than you.  And trust me, the truth is you’ll be enjoying yourself so much with those who do gravitate toward you, that you really won’t have much time to be looking in that rear view mirror for Felicia.

I’m planning to move forward in life embracing this new-found vulnerability, one day bring it to my yoga class, and create my own little yoga community filled with those who enjoy what I bring, people who are looking to improve, heal, and move whatever is in their way.

Will close with sharing my opening in our final practice.

“Welcome all of you.  So happy you are here with us.  We wanted to set a theme to our class today, and we’ve decided on dedicating our practice to the beauty of the majestic rivers we are graced with in our world, and especially here in our little community with the American River.  Ally has a gorgeous reading she will share with you at the end of our class.

And I will begin with something I wrote.

Please get comfortable on your mats, cross legged. Eyes closed.


Tap into your body, pay attention to what you’re feeling.  Just take note, is your mind quiet this afternoon or lively?  Notice the flow of your breath.   How is your spirit feeling today?  No judgement, just acknowledge where you are this morning and greet that spirit.  If you are feeling happy, remember what a blessing that is and please share that with us.  If you for some reason are feeling sadness, try to nurture yourself during your routine.  And if you are angry for some reason, maybe your boss pissed you off at work or your mate, kids, whatever, remember that there’s much power in anger so use that to do something amazing on your mat today that typically you might not have the power to do.  Take this time and make it yours, as for some of you, this might be the only time you have to spend on yourself today.   And remember, above all, you are right where you are supposed to be in this moment.


As you breathe in, take that breath all the way down to your sits bones, and then let it out through your mouth.  Inhale,  hold at the top, exhale.  Breathe at your own pace.  As you do, adjust your posture if needed, sit nice and tall.  Soften your brow.  Relax your jaw, your neck.  Lift your rib cage.  Drop your jaw ever so slightly.  And settle in.



All rivers begin with a droplet … one droplet after another of melting snow cascading down from our majestic mountains.  It almost seems impossible when you think about the wonder of nature.  Yet it’s true, snowflakes come down one at a time from the heavens above, form together, freeze together and then at some point melt together, making their way down the mountain sides toward our rivers.  We see the streams every day moving down the canyon toward our beautiful American River.

There is no end to the number of tiny individual streams trickling down to the river where they will become strong and united.  They will learn at times to rage and destroy much in their path.  They will change the shape of our land.  They will move what gets in their way.  They will dance in the sunlight. They will be a vessel for creating and sustaining life.  And sadly they will die in time if they lose too many of their droplets.

Are we humans really any different?   We are a million and one snowflakes, each one bringing our own beauty, but traveling in unison, creating a universal flow.

Our tiny tribe has united for our short journey, and soon we will all be off to the oceans, but for this brief moment in time, we have come together to move what’s in our way.  And I think we’ve done an amazing job.

I hope when you each practice this morning, you keep in mind your power, what you’ve accomplished in this six weeks, what you’ve helped others to accomplish in this six weeks, and know your power going forward.  You are the river.  We all are.










Good morning!  It seems like I feel the same way every Monday morning during this experience … that I just can’t believe how much has transpired over one weekend.  And every week that feeling seems to exponentially grow.  On Fridays when I think back to Monday, it lately feels like weeks have passed in that four days.

This weekend, just like the last four, was packed with emotion and an enormously wide range of feelings.  You know those toys we grew up with, they are still around, the little paddle with the rubber band connecting the little red rubber ball, and you try to hit the ball over and over and it usually wildly flies around?  We actually have one in our little toy box that always awaits our sweet little nieces, Zoe and Ashlyn, when they visit, a simple little bounceback.   Well, that’s what I felt like this weekend, my emotions being yanked in every which direction.  All good in the end, but it’s a little like being wrung out.

When I wake up these mornings, my mind is like my sweet Little Cat (that’s actually her name, we got creative) who just sits there staring at me waiting for me to wake up, licking me occasionally hoping I will rouse.  From my first wakeful moments, my mind is active and seems to have been impatiently waiting for me so that we can replay all the moments that made up another amazing week, thinking plotting planning scheming dreaming about whether I might really be able to make this idea of becoming a yoga teacher work, chronicling and thinking through the changes taking place in me, both physically and mentally, and of course, already starting to hear in my head what I want to write about to you this week.  Six weeks ago I was pushing snooze and then 20 minutes later dragging myself a bit grumpily down the hall to start my job on the phones at 6:00 every morning.  Don’t really need that snooze button these days.  By 6:00 I’ve been awake for some time and my mind has been contentedly sorting, and when I finally make it to the phone at 6:00 there is no longer any room for grumpy.  That’s a pretty amazing transformation in five weeks.

Talk about taking a left turn and venturing down a new path.  A couple of thoughts are resonating with me this morning (they are working hard to make their way through all the other thoughts ping ponging off the walls of my brain).  The first one is just a passing comment the teacher made at the beginning of the class.  “You can all be at a very different place in your life in six weeks.”  It doesn’t sound like much, and I actually overlooked it myself.  But one of my classmates brought it back up to me later and made me think about the enormity of the statement, but more importantly the reality of that statement.  And what I just wrote in my prior paragraph seems to validate my teacher’s claim.

I know I’ve been saying this throughout my blog, but the realization keeps surprising me over and over again, each time as if it’s a completely new concept.  I have the power to change myself any time I choose.  And timelines will always be different depending on what’s on my plate, but that is really an incredible power I possess and underuse.  It’s very easy to get inundated with life, right?  And there are going to be times when making a change can just seem impossible, and maybe that means I have to be patient and wait for the time when I can take that turn.  But even the planning and the dreaming are still very important steps down the path.

The second thought I am just shaking my head about, in a good way, is what I was talking about last week, the universe supporting us, even when we can’t see it at the time.  This weekend, and yesterday in particular, I began to truly believe that I will be a yoga teacher, and that may sound strange since I’m in a yoga teacher training class and telling all my readers about it.  But all that was required to get into that class was taking that leap of faith and writing a check.  It did not require a belief in myself, nor did writing this blog.  It required only a dream and some courage.

These stages of belief as I’m starting to think of them unfold slowly.  Every week I venture further and further toward that belief.  At the close of this weekend, I saw a vision of an amazing yoga teacher through the mist, and she looks an awful lot like me.  Six weeks ago I would have been a little embarrassed to even say that to Rick, and now I’m blogging about it.  THAT is a lot to be thankful for, and it just makes me shake my head and cry  (one of these days we will talk in depth about crying, that’s a topic for a whole blog or twenty in my case).

So back to the universe supporting us, seeing it in hindsight … this morning feeling a high from the weekend and enjoying the confidence I’m feeling in my plan, I thought back to last year when my mom was so ill, and my future at work was hanging in the balance.  Just a quick explanation, our company was bought by another, our team was offered positions, but it would have required I move to another state, so I declined that offer, and decided I would have to try to find some other position within the new company.  Not really what I wanted to do, but what I thought I should do.

What I WANTED to do was write (a book, possibly a blog) and somewhere along the line I started telling Rick I wanted to be a yoga teacher.  Did I believe I could do either?  That’s an interesting question to answer, but in hindsight, maybe not.  But I certainly spent time dreaming about it and talking to Rick about it.

And the universe (of course) sent my angels.  I remember one day meeting one of my co-workers, Keana, over in Benicia for a glass of wine.  It was a beautiful day overlooking the bay, and we sat at one of the tables outside of the little restaurant drowning our sorrows, so to speak, about the end of Virgin America.  Coincidentally???? right next to us were two people who we ended up having a great time with.  They heard us talking about Virgin America, and they chimed in saying how much they loved flying Virgin, and next thing you know we are all talking about our jobs, and life.  Well, coincidentally what do you think the fellows’ job was?  He was a motivator at the company he worked for, and by the time we left, he was high-fiving me telling me I had better not settle and that I needed to pursue my dreams, that it was my time, and the universe had given me a personal invitation by eliminating my job.  Seriously, a jovial genuinely nice guy, anyone around us heard our banter.  It was great fun, and I left flying high, ready to make it happen.

That was about 2 years ago.  In the ensuing two years, I did hire someone to help me move toward my writing dream and have put many hours towards a book that I plan to one day publish.  But there were many roadblocks along the way, so I speak from experience when I say, sometimes it’s just not the right time, but I never lost sight of my dream.

And then, completely not listening to my inner voice, and forgetting the sage advice of the guy in Benicia, I applied for a job within the company that I knew in my heart of hearts I probably wouldn’t like.  And trust me, had I gotten that job, I would NOT have started this blog.  I would NOT have taken this teacher training class.  I would have been floating around in the waters of discontent, getting by, and I’m sure, still dreaming.

I really should have gotten that job, it was a no brainer.  I walked out of the interview thinking “I’ve got this,” ignoring the fact that I wasn’t really all that happy about it.  A few days later, I sat by my mother’s bedside.  She had a long hard road at the end, and this particular day I felt she might be leaving (in fact, she rallied after that a few times) but this day I was actually afraid to leave her room.  My phone rang and I realized from the number that it was a call about my interview.  I was in a state anyway that day, feeling so overwhelmed with my mom’s condition, really in a fog.  I stood by the little window at the end of the hall expecting to hear, congratulations, when can you start.  Instead the woman was babbling on thanking me for applying and interviewing …  I think because I was in such a fog it all seemed to go in slow motion … but as I began to clear my mind I realized she was apologizing that I had not gotten the job, but she would encourage me to apply again.  I thanked her (not really sure why, but at least I didn’t apologize, ugh) and as I hung up, I knew instantly that even though my pride was a little hurt, what I was actually feeling at that moment was relief and joy, because the universe had just said, “wait a minute, little buckaroo, not so fast, what about your true desires?”  She (I like to call the universe She, even though I think of God as a He, interesting) had given me a get out of jail card this once, turned me around, and patted me on the butt telling me to “get along little doggie.”  I was free, I had done my responsible duty to get that job, and they did not want me.  All I had to do was face those few embarrassing moments when I had to tell coworkers and friends and family that I didn’t get it, and then I got to move toward toward what I really wanted to do.

Even with my belief system fully in tact when it comes to manifesting, I still did not manage to do this on my own.  I needed that assistance from up above.

I will share what I ended with a few blogs ago.  “Any arbitrary turning along the way and I would be elsewhere.”

This morning I feel beyond blessed not to be elsewhere.

It’s like I said two posts ago, manifesting, you get to leave it up to the universe to figure it out, because in many cases, what you plan or do might even be counter-productive to getting what you want.   I’m believing these days, and trusting, and oh, what an amazing feeling it is.

I am full.  I am content.  I am thankful for all of you who follow and dream with me.  Whether I ever hear about your quest, know that I don’t even need to, I will always be sending my positive thoughts your way.  It takes a village, right?  Be back soon.