Believing

Good morning!  It seems like I feel the same way every Monday morning during this experience … that I just can’t believe how much has transpired over one weekend.  And every week that feeling seems to exponentially grow.  On Fridays when I think back to Monday, it lately feels like weeks have passed in that four days.
This weekend, just like the last four, was packed with emotion and an enormously wide range of feelings.  You know those toys we grew up with, they are still around, the little paddle with the rubber band connecting the little red rubber ball, and you try to hit the ball over and over and it usually wildly flies around?  We actually have one in our little toy box that always awaits our sweet little nieces, Zoe and Ashlyn, when they visit, a simple little bounceback.   Well, that’s what I felt like this weekend, my emotions being yanked in every which direction.  All good in the end, but it’s a little like being wrung out.
When I wake up these mornings, my mind is like my sweet Little Cat (that’s actually her name, we got creative) who just sits there staring at me waiting for me to wake up, licking me occasionally hoping I will rouse.  From my first wakeful moments, my mind is active and seems to have been impatiently waiting for me so that we can replay all the moments that made up another amazing week, thinking plotting planning scheming dreaming about whether I might really be able to make this idea of becoming a yoga teacher work, chronicling and thinking through the changes taking place in me, both physically and mentally, and of course, already starting to hear in my head what I want to write about to you this week.  Six weeks ago I was pushing snooze and then 20 minutes later dragging myself a bit grumpily down the hall to start my job on the phones at 6:00 every morning.  Don’t really need that snooze button these days.  By 6:00 I’ve been awake for some time and my mind has been contentedly sorting, and when I finally make it to the phone at 6:00 there is no longer any room for grumpy.  That’s a pretty amazing transformation in five weeks.
Talk about taking a left turn and venturing down a new path.  A couple of thoughts are resonating with me this morning (they are working hard to make their way through all the other thoughts ping ponging off the walls of my brain).  The first one is just a passing comment the teacher made at the beginning of the class.  “You can all be at a very different place in your life in six weeks.”  It doesn’t sound like much, and I actually overlooked it myself.  But one of my classmates brought it back up to me later and made me think about the enormity of the statement, but more importantly the reality of that statement.  And what I just wrote in my prior paragraph seems to validate my teacher’s claim.
I know I’ve been saying this throughout my blog, but the realization keeps surprising me over and over again, each time as if it’s a completely new concept.  I have the power to change myself any time I choose.  And timelines will always be different depending on what’s on my plate, but that is really an incredible power I possess and underuse.  It’s very easy to get inundated with life, right?  And there are going to be times when making a change can just seem impossible, and maybe that means I have to be patient and wait for the time when I can take that turn.  But even the planning and the dreaming are still very important steps down the path.
The second thought I am just shaking my head about, in a good way, is what I was talking about last week, the universe supporting us, even when we can’t see it at the time.  This weekend, and yesterday in particular, I began to truly believe that I will be a yoga teacher, and that may sound strange since I’m in a yoga teacher training class and telling all my readers about it.  But all that was required to get into that class was taking that leap of faith and writing a check.  It did not require a belief in myself, nor did writing this blog.  It required only a dream and some courage.
These stages of belief as I’m starting to think of them unfold slowly.  Every week I venture further and further toward that belief.  At the close of this weekend, I saw a vision of an amazing yoga teacher through the mist, and she looks an awful lot like me.  Six weeks ago I would have been a little embarrassed to even say that to Rick, and now I’m blogging about it.  THAT is a lot to be thankful for, and it just makes me shake my head and cry  (one of these days we will talk in depth about crying, that’s a topic for a whole blog or twenty in my case).
So back to the universe supporting us, seeing it in hindsight … this morning feeling a high from the weekend and enjoying the confidence I’m feeling in my plan, I thought back to last year when my mom was so ill, and my future at work was hanging in the balance.  Just a quick explanation, our company was bought by another, our team was offered positions, but it would have required I move to another state, so I declined that offer, and decided I would have to try to find some other position within the new company.  Not really what I wanted to do, but what I thought I should do.
What I WANTED to do was write (a book, possibly a blog) and somewhere along the line I started telling Rick I wanted to be a yoga teacher.  Did I believe I could do either?  That’s an interesting question to answer, but in hindsight, maybe not.  But I certainly spent time dreaming about it and talking to Rick about it.
And the universe (of course) sent my angels.  I remember one day meeting one of my co-workers, Keana, over in Benicia for a glass of wine.  It was a beautiful day overlooking the bay, and we sat at one of the tables outside of the little restaurant drowning our sorrows, so to speak, about the end of Virgin America.  Coincidentally???? right next to us were two people who we ended up having a great time with.  They heard us talking about Virgin America, and they chimed in saying how much they loved flying Virgin, and next thing you know we are all talking about our jobs, and life.  Well, coincidentally what do you think the fellows’ job was?  He was a motivator at the company he worked for, and by the time we left, he was high-fiving me telling me I had better not settle and that I needed to pursue my dreams, that it was my time, and the universe had given me a personal invitation by eliminating my job.  Seriously, a jovial genuinely nice guy, anyone around us heard our banter.  It was great fun, and I left flying high, ready to make it happen.
That was about 2 years ago.  In the ensuing two years, I did hire someone to help me move toward my writing dream and have put many hours towards a book that I plan to one day publish.  But there were many roadblocks along the way, so I speak from experience when I say, sometimes it’s just not the right time, but I never lost sight of my dream.
And then, completely not listening to my inner voice, and forgetting the sage advice of the guy in Benicia, I applied for a job within the company that I knew in my heart of hearts I probably wouldn’t like.  And trust me, had I gotten that job, I would NOT have started this blog.  I would NOT have taken this teacher training class.  I would have been floating around in the waters of discontent, getting by, and I’m sure, still dreaming.
I really should have gotten that job, it was a no brainer.  I walked out of the interview thinking “I’ve got this,” ignoring the fact that I wasn’t really all that happy about it.  A few days later, I sat by my mother’s bedside.  She had a long hard road at the end, and this particular day I felt she might be leaving (in fact, she rallied after that a few times) but this day I was actually afraid to leave her room.  My phone rang and I realized from the number that it was a call about my interview.  I was in a state anyway that day, feeling so overwhelmed with my mom’s condition, really in a fog.  I stood by the little window at the end of the hall expecting to hear, congratulations, when can you start.  Instead the woman was babbling on thanking me for applying and interviewing …  I think because I was in such a fog it all seemed to go in slow motion … but as I began to clear my mind I realized she was apologizing that I had not gotten the job, but she would encourage me to apply again.  I thanked her (not really sure why, but at least I didn’t apologize, ugh) and as I hung up, I knew instantly that even though my pride was a little hurt, what I was actually feeling at that moment was relief and joy, because the universe had just said, “wait a minute, little buckaroo, not so fast, what about your true desires?”  She (I like to call the universe She, even though I think of God as a He, interesting) had given me a get out of jail card this once, turned me around, and patted me on the butt telling me to “get along little doggie.”  I was free, I had done my responsible duty to get that job, and they did not want me.  All I had to do was face those few embarrassing moments when I had to tell coworkers and friends and family that I didn’t get it, and then I got to move toward toward what I really wanted to do.
Even with my belief system fully in tact when it comes to manifesting, I still did not manage to do this on my own.  I needed that assistance from up above.
I will share what I ended with a few blogs ago.  “Any arbitrary turning along the way and I would be elsewhere.”
This morning I feel beyond blessed not to be elsewhere.
It’s like I said two posts ago, manifesting, you get to leave it up to the universe to figure it out, because in many cases, what you plan or do might even be counter-productive to getting what you want.   I’m believing these days, and trusting, and oh, what an amazing feeling it is.
I am full.  I am content.  I am thankful for all of you who follow and dream with me.  Whether I ever hear about your quest, know that I don’t even need to, I will always be sending my positive thoughts your way.  It takes a village, right?  Be back soon.
Namaste

One Woman's Mission

This is the post I was excited to write, because it’s one of my favorite topics.  I should know better than to hype it too much, as that’s usually a mistake.  But no matter, tally ho, hip hip, here it is for better or worse.
I’ve always loved dreaming, wishing, manifesting … anything along those lines.  My favorite necklace which I wear most days says “dream” in Chinese.  I love any form of wishing, first star of the night, wishbone, or a penny on the ground.  If I am fortunate enough to find a penny on the ground, I need to pick it up.  And if for some reason I feel silly picking it up, middle of a crowded grocery store as one example, it just kills me to walk past it relinquishing that chance at a new wish.
In recent years I have gravitated toward the grown-up version of wishing, also known as manifesting.  I just find the whole concept so interesting, and at this stage of my life, I am one hundred percent sure that it is effective and certainly does influence my life.  It’s easier to see in hindsight.  If I look back over my life, I can see the intricate webbing that wrapped around my desires that in time became my realities.
There are many teachings that support my thinking, The Secret probably one of the most well-known books on the subject.  What I find interesting is that I remember my power, and then forget it, and remember it, and forget it.  I live mostly in the forgetful stage.  I haven’t really figured out why that is.  But no matter the reason, I am always delighted to remember that I do have power over my destiny both in terms of what I think and what I do.
What I have come to believe is that the universe is always working with us to accomplish our dreams and goals, as long as … and this is an important part … we have pure intentions void of ill will, and that we are also willing to pitch in and work toward our goal.  I also am convinced that at times, the universe will tweak our wishes a bit to fit what is available, but that usually I’m more than happy with the tweaks, and more times than not, it’s even better than what I tried to accomplish.  I’ve come to count on that, and now offer that up when I am manifesting.
One last component is that we humans do not need to figure out how the universe will offer what we are manifesting, that’s up to the universe.  And this is important to me, because otherwise I will start telling myself all the reasons why I don’t see it happening, in effect, sabotaging my dream before I even get started.  I just project, and if I find myself doubting, I just say to myself, “well, that’s for the universe to figure out.”
We have learned about and studied more topics than I can even count at this point in our class, and we have spoken a great deal about intentions which go hand in hand with manifesting.  One of my teammates posted a great blog about manifesting with the moon’s cycles http://ashleyneese.com/set-intentions-new-moon/.  And being a landscaper, this appeals to me, since I’ve believed for years that we humans mimick nature in all ways.  When Rick’s grandfather planted his garden, he planted by the phases of the moon.  Why should our seeds be any different?
Tying this subject together with my yoga teacher training, I came across a card I had sitting on my desk at Virgin America for the last few years.  I love this card designer www.curlygirldesign.com, the cards make me smile.  I brought the card back home recently as we have begun clearing our desks for the end of our employment which is nearing quickly, and I put it aside without even thinking about it.  You know how when you look at something day in and day out, you begin to look right through it after time  (one of the reasons I like to change out my artwork around my house, so that I have a new eye toward its beauty when I rehang it again.)
Last week I saw the card going through some paperwork, and began to really look at it again.  Now mind you, I placed this card on my desk at Virgin America when I had absolutely no intention of taking a yoga teacher training class.  I liked yoga, no doubt, but hadn’t been practicing it for a few years by the time I chose to make this card something I would look at every day.  The message simply resonated with me and I thought it would be nice to look at while I was working.
Reacquainting myself with the card last week, paying close attention to the small details, I had to laugh, a woman with a mission, an open heart, a voice and yoga.  (Hmmmm, sounds vaguely like a woman taking a yoga teacher training class and sharing her experience in a blog.)  I believe manifesting can be a conscious act, and I also believe it can be done by the part of ourselves that knows before we do what we need and want.   I spent many hours at that desk doing something that did not bring joy to my heart.  I enjoyed my coworkers, but listening to vast numbers of complaints can be a bit disheartening.  I dreamed about the day I would get back to my passion of writing and returning to the pastimes I had enjoyed in the past, one of them being yoga.
And here I am, writing a blog and studying yoga.  That realization lights me up like that first star out every night I love to wish on. Manifesting is magical stuff.  If you do it, you know what I’m talking about.  If you don’t, try it.  Be open and hopeful, and toss out the doubt.  And above all, be patient.  It’s a journey, and it takes time to realize our heart’s desires.
There’s a line at the end of another of my favorite movies, “Under the Tuscan Sun” that I’ve always loved.  I think of it often and it warms me from the inside out, as does the movie.
“They say they built the train tracks over the Alps between Vienna and Venice before there was a train that could make the trip.  They built it anyway.  They knew one day the train would come.
“Any arbitrary turning along the way and I would be elsewhere.  I would be different.  What are four walls anyway? They are what they contain.  A house protects the dreamer.  Unthinkably good things can happen even late in the game.  It’s such a surprise.”
Here’s to good things, wishes, surprises and believing …
Namaste
 
Cover photo is from curly girl design, www.curlygirldesign.com