I’ve lost track of the times I have spent sitting in the sand or on a rock enjoying the ocean, whether in Hawaii or along our SF coastline. Our Hawaii trip once again offered me time alone to enjoy the sea while Rick and Lalo explored. I found a great spot on a ledge next to a sweet yellow lighthouse and spent time with God contemplating my life.
Something about the ocean, especially if the sun is shining on the water, transports me, opens my senses fully, and helps me take stock. It’s easy to move quickly through my busy days, forgetting to appreciate all the little things that make my life… I feel compelled to add a few words to the end of that sentence, but I realize “make my life” says it all.
In May of 2018, I was on a different Hawaiian beach with Rick taking pictures that we thought might work as a cover for Lessons of a Wayward Yogini. That was before I hired a cover designer. Those pictures instead became the banner for my FB business page. The book was in its infant stages at that time. How quickly four years have passed. Sitting on this current bluff, I offered heartfelt thanks for what has transpired since then.
And I also marveled at the passage of time. I realized by chance that having that memory of the trip in 2018 marking time was instrumental in taking inventory of my life. It gave my journey parameters and helped me understand how much I have accomplished, what I may have left behind or discarded along the way, and how important it is that I continue to look forward and plan.
I’m not sure what experiences in my life helped create my mindset. I’ve always been hyper-sensitive about making the best of my time, careful not to take for granted the experience of everyday life, and remaining very cognizant that there but for the grace of God go I in terms of the many horrific experiences that life can offer.
Maybe it was a combination of growing up with my parents, my years working in the courts, and the stories I heard in Ron Martinez’s therapy group over ten years, I’ll never know; but somewhere along the line, I began to hold myself accountable to appreciate my life, every single day of it, good or bad, happy or sad.
That mindset has dictated my decisions likely since my early 40s. I haven’t always made the easiest choices, but I’ve made them with an honest heart and the need to lead my life to the fullest. It’s not for everyone; I’m pretty confident of that. But at this point, I wouldn’t change the trajectory of my life for anything.
As I sat on the shoreline on this latest trip, my heart was probably fuller than ever, and that’s saying a lot. And once again, I heard myself saying, “Alright, Susie girl, what’s next? Don’t dally too long; your days are numbered and precious.”
Please understand I don’t mean “numbered” like a threat hanging overhead. I consider it simply a reality. All of my days since birth have been numbered. This is nothing new. But as I age, I feel the gravity of that reality nipping at my heels. And that’s okay; I’m not complaining. Sadly I’ve lost a few friends that probably would have loved becoming 66, understanding that time is slipping by.
Instead, what this means to me, is that now more than ever, I need to appreciate my time, plan wisely, and stay grateful. I’d like to revisit Hawaii again in the next few years to take stock and perhaps make that a continued practice… any excuse to return to the islands 🙂
And what will I be hoping for in that passage of time before my next trip? I’d like to publish another book and blog and continue my love affair with writing. I’d love to become a grandmother, but I’m not really thinking that lines up with the next few years. And that’s okay. But it’s on my bucket list.
Most importantly, I’d appreciate spending lots of time with my loved ones, healthy, happy, and thriving. At this time on earth, it’s impossible not to understand that is the ultimate gift.