This life I lead never ceases to amaze me, the twists and turns along the road that in hindsight make up the story of my life. At this stage more so than ever before, I realize the importance behind the words “the life I LEAD.”
I think it’s easy to forget that WE LEAD ourselves down the paths we travel. The past month has taught me a great deal about my choices, my experiences, and the consequences for the choices I’ve made. And while an argument can be made for the fact that life presents circumstances at times that we don’t choose, nor do we have any control over, what we DO choose is how we respond to these situations.
I used to joke to myself about my mom in her later years, that if there was a hard path or an easy one she could be going down, by God, she was going down the hard path, and you know what that meant … I was going right down that path by her side. God bless my mom, there was a great deal of truth to my private joke, we usually took the E ticket ride (aging myself with the Disneyland rides in my day.)
And perhaps I’m more like my mom than I believe, as I have many times taken the path less traveled, and there have been major bumps along the road, but where we do part ways is that I’ve rarely been sorry for the choices I’ve made, mistakes or not. And even though my mom suffered greatly with a lack of confidence in herself, somehow she managed to pass the seeds of confidence along to me, and with the help of the many angels I’ve already mentioned numerous times in my blog, I’ve come to this juncture in the road where I can see so plainly all the crossroads that lie in front of me. I feel as though I stand on a mountain, the view behind me also clear as to how I arrived here, the choices I made that drove me here, and the fact that I have no one to blame for my life except me, and no one to thank for my life except me, my parents, God, and his many angels (not particularly in that order). Pretty profound, right? (I don’t know about you guys, but I think I’m really starting to sound like a yogini .)
I find it interesting when I take away anyone to blame but myself, that actually it’s very healing, and for me, that idea opens my heart to all things new. And I hope it does the same for my mom and dad, wherever they may be. The healing of souls, that divine connection that occurs when a child is born of two beings, that Godlike thread that weaves its way through our human hearts must exist beyond this dimension we know as Earth. And I’m no scientist nor philosopher, but my good old Nebraska common sense passed down from my mom tells me that the sky, the oceans, the forests, streams and lakes, the flowers and trees, the faces and hearts and especially the eyes of those I love, and those of the people I’ve yet to love, could not possibly be random, so I’m left with the belief that our story does not end on this plane… not even close.
This new chapter of mine feels as if it has wings … and I may crash and burn with the best of the original aviators, Alberto Santos-Dumont or the Wright brothers … but in the meantime, it sure is exhilarating.
It’s only been a little over two weeks, and I’ve got more things to talk about than Carter has pills. I’ve made plenty of notes, and I will be catching you up. But to begin this new chapter, these are the thoughts that I find myself breathing in … and I invite you to share these breaths with me to see if you can’t catch a bit of what I’m feeling. It only takes a little courage in your own ideas and wishes, that long uneasy inhale, and then a slow exhale breathe into your dreams.
Namaste, my friends. Missed you all, and happy to be writing again.