(I wrote this post a few weeks back, just now getting to posting it.)
When I started this blog, I was writing on average three posts a week. Down to one these days leaves so much out of the adventure, so I’m hoping in due course I can find my way to write at least two. I’m so behind in sharing my journey, and it never ceases to amaze and delight me, and at times frighten the shit out of me, so I do so want to share it. I’ve said this before, and I’m sure I’ll say it many more times, but we humans are much more alike than different, which is why I love to share my story, in the hopes that my readers can find some semblance of connection and hope in my words.
Again, if I was writing the story as I should (although still not sure by whose standards) I would be telling you about my new job. But NOT happening, even though it’s great and I am pretty excited about it. Instead …. this week, as I was driving home from our tiny market twenty minutes away (glorious drive through the hills in the pines toward Georgetown) I saw a pretty large plume of smoke over the hills way too close to our home for comfort.
In those first few moments when we humans sense danger, our thoughts splinter in so many different directions. Wasn’t it my last post I spoke of fire victims? As I wrote that, I was thinking I was safe, different, and lucky. (What the hell?) How quickly our worlds can turn upside down, allowing for a much clearer vision that we humans all sail in one ship together. Vulnerability is a very real part of this human existence, as is loss, sorrow, and grief.
But with that said, part of our journey also includes … hope, healing, love, faith, happiness, and my favorite, the ability to dream. So, I think in the end, it might just be a choice about what anchor we choose to grab hold of.
As I drove toward our home, heart racing, an interesting reality took hold of my senses. And this being the closest fire to our home that I’ve experienced, I finally made my list … what to take if you need to evacuate (a reminder I have received over and over again from more sources than I can count, because … wait for it, I live in a fire zone.)
I will tell you now, we ended up lucky, the fire went another direction and was partially contained by the next day, enough for us to know we would be fine.
What I wanted to share were my thoughts as I stood on my deck looking at my neighbor’s house with the fire behind it looking so friggin’ close. I love my home and would be devastated if I lost it, but I did force myself to look at the reality that most all we love and enjoy in this life is on loan. And again, one can look at that as a sad thing or a happy thing. I’m choosing to enjoy the gifts I’ve been given for as long as I can and feel grateful and happy. And as for the fact that life can change in an instant, I will continue to plant my head as far under the ground or up my a–, however you want to describe it, as I can and enjoy the grace of each moment that feels good.
My list turned out to be pretty small, which again, is interesting. Since our children do not live with us, the list starts with our cat, our little box that contains passports and social security cards, etc., our computers, family pics, and my collection of artwork. I don’t have expensive artwork, but it means a great deal to me. It isn’t something I could probably ever replace, it’s just from artists that I came to know and love.
What matters most boils down in the end to a very few things, your loved ones first and foremost, and secondly, any precious memories you might be graced to hold on to. And while we might have some objects we’d like to keep, in the end, they don’t mean anything compared to those we love. We can always recreate a home if we still have our loved ones.
In closing, I want to thank the tireless firefighters that last week worked hard to save the homes in my area. I didn’t hear of any losses which is such a blessing. I have spoken of my dear friend, Colleen, who’s husband, Ron, retired recently from a lifelong career as a firefighter. She early on reassured me, that in Ron’s opinion, our STATS were good, and that we would be fine. She also sent me a video of the firefighters working on our fire, the planes repeatedly releasing their fire retardant.
I watched the video over and over again, mesmerized as I watched the planes with each release … a break as the retardant fell, a slowing of the flames, but in the end a fire that I would liken to life, continually reaching for the skies. It was slowed down by each release, but in no way extinguished. It was unending, and continued to reach toward the heavens, just as all of nature does. No wonder … this earth is a never-ending miracle, and even when we don’t understand or want to accept our losses, they nevertheless (in my humble opinion) are the journey toward a great unknown … just a ways yonder down the road … nothing to fear.
Imagine if we lived each day in complete awareness of what really matters …
Nature … Namaste